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GPS provides a roadmap for those grieving the loss of a child

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Scott and Sharon Butler

   For two years, Sharon and Scott Butler grieved the loss of their daughter, Holly, who died unexpectedly in June 2011. It was a suffering they endured mostly alone, until one day they felt that God was telling them to help others who were also going through the same pain. 

   “I heard God saying ‘You could be helping someone else,’” Sharon said. “We knew there were others who needed help and support just like we did.” 

   The couple began GPS - Grieving Parents Support Group - with others who had lost a child. The mission of the group is to help parents find their way after the loss of a child. 

   The ministry has now grown to include, on average, around 15 people each month. The group meets the second Tuesday of every month at 7 p.m. at Chase Baptist Church, where Scott is pastor. Those who began in the group with the Butlers still attend today, Sharon said. 

   “We’ve bonded like a family,” she said. “I always come away from a meeting thanking God for the time I had with them, because it brings me peace.” 

   Each month the group is invited to share their memories and feelings. But, if you don’t want to, that’s OK, Scott explained. 

   “You can come and share or you can not say anything,” he said. 

   When you lose a child, everything changes and your response to everyday things changes, Sharon explained. 

   “I challenged everyone one month to cook whatever was your child’s favorite dish. I had not cooked Holly’s favorite since she died, and it was hard. We all brought those dishes in and we cried, but it was a breakthrough,” she said. 

   Oftentimes after you have lost a child, the couple said, people no longer know what to say to you and will avoid bringing up your child in conversation. This is far from what is needed or helps when you’re grieving, Sharon said. 

   “We don’t want people to stop talking about our children, or for our children to be forgotten.” 

   There is no wrong way to grieve when you’ve lost a child either, the couple are quick to point out. 

   “Do what you need to do,” Scott said. “What you feel is right is right.” 

   Grief takes time, and there is no timeline for when you should no longer feel sad. The support of others has been an incredible help to the Butlers. 

   “You always miss and think about your child, but you do get stronger. I have seen that in our group,” Scott said. 

   The couple encourages others to attend the group, but for some, it is hard to come just after a loss. Recently Scott attended the funeral of a young boy who had died, and let his parents know that the group existed and that its members were praying for them. 

   “I never say ‘I know how you feel,’” he said. “Instead, we tell them we can relate to what they are going through, and that when they are ready, we are here.”

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